I’ve never gone back and forth on how I felt about a movie than I have on Southland Tales. It’s been over a week since I’ve seen it, I still can’t get it out of my head, and I still don’t know exactly how I feel about it. My first instinct was to give this a favorable review (although not an excited one), given that even though this is one of the most flawed movie in the history of the cinema, I actually enjoyed myself pretty thoroughly for the majority of the running time. But then just minutes after I saw it, I realized just how terrible the movie was, and for days I thought about giving the film a really negative review, given that I never actually cared at any moment during the movie what was happening and why. But this movie is far too entertaining to just vomit all over it. I’ve decided that I’m mixed, completely mixed, about how I feel about this film. I’m not going to tell you to avoid it, and I’m not going to tell you to see it. This movie’s as tricky as they come.

Next I could try to sum up the plot of the movie, which is literally impossible. If someone were holding a gun to my head right now, forcing me to write a paragraph about what this movie is about, my brains would be splattered on the floor in a mere two seconds. This movie can’t be enjoyed on any level due to its “plot.” The movie has at least twelve major characters, all existing in the backdrop of Los Angeles, Summer 2008, and the world is apparently about to come to an end. The Rock plays a movie star, Seann William Scott plays a cop, and Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a porn star, and they all become connected through a weird series of events. The film also features strange turns from Cheri Oteri (who’s in way more of this than you might think), John Larroquette, Wallace Shawn, Mandy Moore, and Justin Timberlake (who oddly enough lip syncs a song in the movie’s only musical number).

I was extremely excited for this movie, more so than any other movie this Fall. Of the three major reasons why I was excited for it, two of the reasons didn’t disappoint in the least. The first reason was that I am a huge fan of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I’m always looking forward to a Gellar performance that exists out of the horror genre, that allows her to try something different. I just had a blast watching her in this, as she gets many of the movie’s funniest lines. The second reason was that Moby, my favorite artist, composed the music for the soundtrack. Whenever I got completely lost, which was most of the time, I found myself reveling in the music, which from beginning to end is absolutely fantastic. While the movie may get a bad rating, the soundtrack certainly will not. The third reason I wanted to see Southland Tales was that it was Richard Kelly’s follow-up to Donnie Darko, a movie that seems to get better each time I see, a movie that has slowly become one of my all-time favorites.

And it is in this third reason that the movie fails completely. This is such a subpar movie compared to Donnie Darko that it may ellicit tears of pain from Darko fans. While there are touches here and there that work, the movie doesn’t work as a whole. Ever. At all. It may be the biggest mess of a movie I’ve seen. It’s a behemoth of a mess, so absurdly ambitious and out there that it never fails to illicit interest. But Kelly really missed an opportunity here to do something special. With this exciting, ultra-bizarre cast and the means to do something truly original, Kelly should’ve hit nothing short of a home run here. It fails in so many ways on a purely narrative level, it sometimes feels like Kelly was working from a first draft written back in his film school days.

A few of the most obvious flaws in the movie? There’s a big one right at the beginning. After a decent opening bit involving some home movie footage, we are then inundated with what seems like ten minutes of annoying, wordy exposition that’s supposed to fill us in on the plot but just confuses us even more. Justin Timberlake is our narrator (poor guy), talking through enough material to warrant a second movie (please don’t). This beginning wears us out so much that we become tired and jaded right from the get-go. The movie is confusing enough. Why not just throw us in as we try to figure things out for ourselves, rather than have to be pummeled with information that doesn’t clear anything up anyway? Another huge error is giving way too many characters way too much screen time. It’s possible for a movie like this to work with fifteen characters, but unlike Magnolia, which has clear storylines and clear connections between the characters, Southland Tales has very few connections. Most of the movie feels so damn random. Maybe further viewings of the movie would tie together more elements, but it doesn’t seem like the effort is warranted in this case. For example, does Cheri Oteri’s character really need that much screen-time? Is Mandy Moore’s character necessary? Why is Amy Poehler in this movie??

The cast for the most part don’t do that great of job. Maybe because they didn’t understand their character motivations? Some do fine work in individual scenes, but there isn’t a character that has any sort of clear arc during the movie. Seann William Scott’s cop character may come closest, as he meets an end in a big and unexpected way, but what about Gellar’s porn star character? While she is a lot of fun to watch in separate scenes, there never seems to be a clear path for her character. The beach material? Hilarious. Her input in group meetings? Funny. Her dance at the end on the blimp? Weird and seemingly pointless, but strange hypnotic. But what are we supposed to take from this character? The whole raison d’etre of the character seems to be lost somewhere, as if Kelly was just a Gellar fan and wanted to see her play a porn star. The Rock probably comes off the best of anyone. He’s pretty likable here, and he may just have some great movies in him down the road, if the screenplays serve him well. If anything his character did made sense, there might’ve been more to like here. A lot of the supporting actors look completely lost, no one more so than Mandy Moore, who feels like she’s just making things up as she goes along, and Justin Timberlake’s material feels like a McG dramatic experiment (with pop tunes!). Terrible!

But I can’t all-out hate the movie, because, even though it’s kind of a trite thing to say about such a bad film, this movie is almost never boring. The first hour is strangely fascinating because we’re introduced to new characters and situations with seemingly every scene, and the second half of the movie is puzzling and immensely watchable due to its confusing story structure and strange mix of characters. And there are scenes, that, completely stand-alone, are wonderful. A Timberlake lip synced musical number is beautifully done, all of the Gellar talk show material is great, and the final 15 minutes or so in the blimp is fascinating and apocalyptic, including a Donnie Darko-like long take taking us through the blimp and showing us at least half a dozen of the characters. Miranda Richardson chewing away at carrots, Kevin Smith in heavy make-up, and scenes consisting of Wallace Shawn, John Larroquette, Zelda Rubenstein, Beth Grant, and Bai Ling standing around each other on a beach holding a press conference, add to the fun. There has never been a movie like this, that’s for sure. I find it fascinating how a movie like this ever got made in the first place. How did the screenplay to this movie get approved by, well, anyone? How did all these actors get involved? Who approved the budget? Were all these decisions based off of the success of Donnie Darko, which, financially, actually wasn’t a success at all?

Southland Tales is a rare breed of movie. It’s one that fails spectacularly on many levels, but also one that offers a weird sense of fascination for the majority of its running time. I can’t dismiss the fact that writer/director Richard Kelly has disappointed with his follow-up to the much better, more emotional, and more satisfying Donnie Darko, making a movie far outside of his reach and even higher than his ego seems to be taking him. But there are many pleasures to this movie, namely the handful of memorable stand-alone scenes, oddball performances by an eclectic cast, and a glorious soundtrack by the master that is Moby. I would say definitely check it out if you have interest in Donnie Darko or the actors involved, but there are so many better movies out there right now, for most, I would suggest looking elsewhere.

2 stars (out of 4)